A high-powered team of cybernetic
linguisticians have run detailed studies and concluded that, from the
standpoint of syntax, Republican
Presidential front-runner talks like a fourth-grader:
That, as regards vocabulary and grammar, merely. From the semantic-pragmatic standpoint,
he speaks like a schoolyard bully.
~
This, however, is by no means to criticize our (potential)
next President. (How foolish
would that be, after all; he’ll
have the power to revoke our Junior Woodchuck Blogger License.) Nay more, we have concluded that
it is time to board that train before it leaves the station; and accordingly, we are preparing a
series of scholarly monographs, written at a fourth-grade level, for exactly
this audience.
The debut volume is called String Theory for Trump
Voters, Simply Explained. It responds to an express desideratum from the
top. “So what are these stupid
little … stringy things, anyway?” the
candidate mused in a recent broadcast.
“Sounds totally bogus!”
(A prerequisite for this opus is the prequel, written at a third-grade level, Quantum Field Theory is our Friend!)
Other titles in the series:
The Homoousian Controversy: a Trumponomic perspective.
The Gospel according to The
Donald.
In a junior-auxiliary line aimed at
lower-information voters will be versions of the smash-hit “for Dummies”
series, rewritten in Googolian “Simplified English”. Offerings include:
“Computers for
Dummies” for Imbeciles
“Intermediate
Arabic for Dummies” for Deaf-mutes
and the unique, twice-distilled
“ ‘Algebraic
K-Theory for Dummies’ for Morons” for Trisomy-21.
Major credit cards accepted.
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