Tuesday, December 28, 2010

De casibus marmotarum illustrium

The cosmos watched with bated breath as TWoDrJ battled its way in the worldwide “Humble Woodchuck” sweepstakes,  from Google purgatory, to the third page of hits, to the second, to the first…   But just as we were about to send out an end-zone dance, the site inexplicably fell back.

[Scene:  A desolate battlefield.]
Eheu fugaces!   Où sont les marmottes d’antan?  After clambering to the top of the scrap-heap in the Search Sweepstakes,  the Humble Woodchuck has been unceremoniously cast down, apparently by a cabal of hackers (we suspect the PRC), all the way back to the third page of Google returns.

Fortunae rota volvitur;
descendo minoratus;
alter in altum tollitur;
nimis exaltatus.

But we did not rest at that, nor did sleep gain any purchase on our eyes, until we clawed our way back (woodchucks have very sharp claws, don’t underestimate), all the way to the First, Second, and Third hits on the very first page !!  Bronze, Silver, and Gold!   Hat trick!

As you can imagine, I’ve been fending off the media all night.  Sound-trucks blocking the driveway, the whole nine yards.

[Scene:  The Top of the World.]
CNN:  To what do you attribute this incredible surge of power, virtually unprecedented in the history of the Net?  Is it because of massive amounts of pageviews on your site?
Dr. J:   Er, not exactly;  not quite yet.  These things take time…
CNN:  Your own personal charm, perhaps?
Dr. J (modestly):  Well! ah, for the matter of that -- possibly plays a part.
CNN:  Or is it, perhaps, that you bribed the search engine???
Dr. J (flushing):  Preposterous! -- But no, the explanation lies rather in this:  that our prize woodchucks are  as humble as they come!  Humble as the day is long, b’dad!  Heck, they can out-humble any brand-X groundhog out there, better believe it!  You want humble?  We got humble!  Why, you just take Harry here --
CNN (fiddling with his earpiece):  What?  Come again?  Oops, sorry, you’re old news now, Doc.  Gotta hurry off to the Next Big Thing.
Dr. J :  But -- !  But -- !  Don’t I win anything?

Eheu fugaces ….

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