Sunday, June 7, 2015

Dr J comes out of the closet !

At a time when all the subcortical world is chattering about a creature which purportedly transitioned from what it was, to what is is not (and could never be) -- in bare defiance of Bishop Berkeley’s celebrated (if possibly apocryphal) dictum ("Everything is, what it is:  and not -- another thing...")-- and moreover harvesting accolades for doing so, 
we thought the moment opportune to announce our own chrysalidal Coming Out:   We have finally decided, publically to embrace  Our Inner Penguin !!

Fortunately, this process did not necessitate any unpleasant surgico-chemical interventions, but merely the doffing of the elbow-patched cardigan and academic tweeds, then donning a dinner-jacket.   Behold the results:

Dr Justice  in his native habitat

We await the media frenzy, paying cold cash to appear on the covers of magazines.


More surprising is the fact that, as we discovered only this morning,  our lawnmover is, actually and in point of fact, a penguin !!!

Those of you who have followed this blog, will have noticed our yearly celebration (annually reposted) of the triumphant vernal restarting -- upon first try!  -- of our ancient lawnmower, after its hibernation:

        Rites of Spring (iterum resartus)

What we have hitherto refrained from referring to, since we did not understand until just now, is that, as summer approaches, the d*mned thing frequently fails to start.

Eventually I noticed a correlation:  If the day is too hot and humid, the machine is listless;  if crisp, perky.    I tried it this morning, in the cool of the dawn:  it roared to life.  (Regretted to do something so noisy, early Sunday, but figured that the good folk were all away at early Mass.)
For this, there exists but one explanation:   My lawnmover is a penguin!


As expected, the media are swarming all over our driveway, trying to get the low-down on what has suddenly become the planet’s number one story.

Q:  So, what’s it like to be a penguin?
A:  Not so bad, providing you like fish.

Q:  What’s the best thing about being a penguin?
A:  Sliding on your tummy on the ice! Mmmm!  We call it belly-‘bogganing.

Q:  Are there any esoteric interconnections between penguins and snow-bunnies?
A:  Yes!  When a penguin is very happy, he sometimes becomes completely white, and thus cannot be perceived against the snowy background.  These are called “polar penguins”.   The (meta)physics of these beings  is not well understood, their study being still in its infancy.


  1. Oh, how gaily you flash your tuxedo, as if we had never seen it before!  Come now, Dr. J, the fig leaf has been off for quite some time, almost as long as people have been whispering about what a girly man that decathlon winner (and father of six) is.

    My electric mower started up just fine this year, like it does every year. It is lighter than a gas mower, does not require tune-ups, and is immune to humidity and the need for gas stabilizers in order to work well in Southern locales.

    1. My neighbor has an electric, which (apart from the virtues you mention) is blessedly quiet.
      Last summer, when my gas-guzzler failed to start, I asked to borrow his, to try that kind as a possible replacement -- and it wouldn't start. So he charged it up for 24 hrs -- still no go. -- New battery.
      No quick fixes.