Saturday, January 8, 2011

A Proof of the Non-Existence of God

The Catholic Church was for centuries distinguished by the devotion of its Schoolmen to logic, developed along Aristotelian lines.  Among their efforts, not especially successful, were purported Ontological Arguments for the existence of God.  But to be fair, atheists too have been given the divine gift of Reason.  Now,  I have just discovered an ingenious proof of God’s non-existence, which we may dub the Proctological Argument.  And since, to my knowledge, no-one has yet published it, at least not in so perspicuous a form, we do so here.

Premise.   I am the Center of the Universe, the fons existentiae, Lord and Master of all I survey.
LemmaErgo,  any Deity worth his salt  would cater to my every need instantly.
Fact.  Yet I feel blue/ my hamster died/ etc.
Conclusion.  There is no God.

The syllogism above is perfectly valid -- given its premise.   Such, one suspects, is the logical understructure beneath many of the cogitations of our fellows, though seldom expressed with such dazzling clarity.


  1. If I remember correctly (it's been years since I read the book) the basic argument of Bertrand Russell's famous "Why I Am Not a Christian" was that when he was seven years old his pet rabbit died.

    Anyhow, the Bible proved the non-existence of the Deity thousands of years ago. Psalm 53:1 clearly proclaims, "There is no God."

  2. Yipes -- scooped by several millennia! Thanks, QQ. Is our face red!

    (Of course, it’s just possible that the Biblical passage was taken somewhat out of context; but that is of no account. In these sound-bite days, We Don’t DO Context.)