Thursday, December 29, 2011

Take it from a Troglodyte

By now, hopefully most of you visitors to this site have at least tried, if not converted to, Dr Massey’s patented Bible-compatible© version of the “Paleo diet”.  (Key improvement:  Red wine.  I am at this very moment  religiously following this aspect of the diet.)  Both my wife and I have read his book, Original Thin, and we both enjoyed it, though neither of us changed our actual opinions by one micron, because, well, that’s the way minds work, and those are the limits of books. 

For many years, the Battle of the Sexes  as it played out in our household  consisted of me, trying hard to get some beef into the house, and she, trying very much not to.   But this morning, when I phoned her, she happened to be at Dave’s Health Foods (where most of our income goes these days), and enumerated the Neanderthal-friendly items in its protein bin:  among them,  to my surprise, elk-burgers.  Aren’t elks like endangered or something?  Is Dave’s just a front for a charcuterie out of “The Freshman”?   And, to my surprise again, she readily consented to try some.

The package lamely pretends that the animals in question were “farm-raised”, dining on nothing but organic delicacies while listening to piped-in Mozart.   But me I know different.   They were hunted in the northern fir-forests, by half-naked men using arrowheads fashioned from whalebone.    And after just a single “Big Mac”-sized portion, it’s impossible not to notice that my virility is now that of ten men.

Oh and -- how it tastes?  You’ll never guess.  It tastes like, well, like hamburger -- though in a sort of cave-dwelling, elkish kind of way.

[Footnote:  Old Murphy, never one to let well-enough alone,
ventures his untutored opinions here: ]

1 comment:

  1. How delightful, Dr. Justice. For the record, elk are not at all endangered. Let's grow them and kill them and eat them for our pure enjoyment.