Monday, November 18, 2013

The Umbrella Man

     “an umbrella, the emblem of his precise and prosaic life”
-- G.K. Chesterton, Four Faultless Felons (1930)

-- © 2012 WDJ.  All rights reserved.

We are all familiar with this figure:

The Umbrella Man at Dealey Plaza, 22 Nov 1963

At the time, he was a mid-level operative in the League of Just Men, a front group for the Riemann Association.   His job was to signal the man on the grassy knoll.   Then that idiot in the book depository  up and spoiled everything.

The Counterespionage Directorate of the World of Dr Justice  is working feverishly to elucidate the connection with this man:

Your coffee might taste bitter tonight…

Connection if any  with the Paschal Scandal  had not been established at press-time.

(Stay tuned for more… if I am spared…)


Historical footnote:
The Kennedy-assassination Umbrella Man has been explained (away) as being a harmless gentleman exercizing symbolic speech by brandishing the shameful symbol of Neville Chamberlain:  

Just feed him the Sudetenland, there's a good lad; 
then no doubt he'll take a nap

Though why JFK, who  after all  launched an anti-Communist invasion at the Bay of Pigs, and later faced down the Russkies during the Cuban Missile crisis (and who ran for President using phoney assertions of a “missile gap”) should be seen as an accomodationist, baffles credulity.
(Supposedly the Umbrella Man was directing his protest rather at JFK's father, Joseph Kennedy, a notorious appeaser of the Nazis;  a few decades too late.)

[Update 27 V 2012]  At this site, concerning the sinister figure at the side of the Holy Father, pictured above,

an astute reader comments:

Le majordome de Benoit XVI, le majordome de Mad. Bettancourt, Il y a vraiment des professions dont il faut se méfier!!!!!!! Je vais vite licencier le mien.

Yet in another reader, the umbrella-butler finds a defender:

Qu'un brave majordome et ses éventuelles complices soulèvent de si peu le couvercle de la marmite, qui n'a cessé de bouillonner depuis près de deux milles ans, et révèlent les immondices qui s'y trouvent, c'est tout à leur honneur …

~ Recommendation posthume ~
“Si j’étais encore en vie, et que je  désirais un bon whodunnit,
que lirais-je?"
(Je suis Victor Serge, et j’ai approuvé ce message)

[Flash update!]  Our crack cryptanalysts here at the Research Division of WDJ (headquarters:  Geneva)  have managed to trace a rainwear link uniting all the shadowy Umbrella Men of history:  none other than the notorious “Foreign Excellent Trenchcoat Company”, Leopold Trepper’s front for the Rote Kapelle !  A pity you are not Cleared for this !

We also deal in "galoshes".  What is your size?  We realize that this question is very personal.

[Update]  Just watched "The Guard", in which Don Cheadle, pursuing a murder investigation in Ireland, interviews a horse -- while holding a gigantic black umbrella ... under cloudless skies...Very suspicious.

[‘Nother update]  Moscow demonstration by the jihadi-istishhadi group “Slaves of the White Umbrella”:

Looks like rain

[Yeta ‘nother update]  The rival red-umbrella gang:

For history buffs --

The Bulgarian umbrella is the name of an umbrella with a hidden pneumatic mechanism which shot out a small poisonous pellet.
-- Wikipedia, “Regenschirmattentat

Георги Марков

The method has been used in numerous assassinations, including one scheduled for tomorrow.

[Historical footnote]   Connoisseurs of the subterranean sources of this vast conspiracy  will be interested to know that, according to his friend and biographer, Sigmund Freud had “a special aversion to umbrellas.  “He once told my wife that all an umbrella did  was to keep its stick dry.”  (Ernest Jones, Freud: Years of Maturity (1955), p. 393)

Für psychologisch tiefgreifende Krimis,
in pikanter amerikanischer Mundart,
und christlich gesinnt,
klicken Sie bitte hier:

Arthur Koestler, on the attitude of himself and his companions in cloudcuckooland, up to the shock of September 1939, when they finally realized that the time of postponements and appeasements had finally passed:

They had lived so long under the sign of the Umbrella,
that they found it difficult to believe
that the age of the Sword had come.
-- The Scum of the Earth (1941, 2nd. edn. 1955)


Possibly part of the same mythic complex, possibly not:   Tiresias;  Rumpelstiltskin;  the Yellow Card Man.

[Update 16 mars 2014, centennial of the assassination of Gaston Calmette]

We have seen how useful an umbrella can be, in concealing an instrument of murder.  Likewise, that article of femine warmth and coquetry ... the muff:

[Historical footnote]  Not only the sword, but the distaff side, can wield an umbrella  to deadly effect.  The following recalls the stormy events of September 1848:

Henriette Zobel, die 35jährige Ehefrau eines Bornheimer Lithographen, wurde kurz nach dem Septemberaufstand verhaftet. Sie galt als Rädelsführerin des Komplotts gegen die beiden Abgeordneten Auerswald und Lichnowsky, die im Laufe des Aufstands von einer wütenden Volksmenge umgebracht worden waren. Mit ihrem Regenschirm soll die Zobel noch auf den schon schwerverwundeten Lichnowsky eingedroschen haben. Der Schirm wurde daher als corpus delicti zu den Gerichtsakten genommen und befindet sich heute im Besitz des Frankfurter Historischen Museums. Es ist ein einfacher schwarzer Regenschirm. Die Zeichner, die die Ermordung Lichnowskys dargestellt haben, haben den Schirm der Zobel jedoch gern rot koloriert - entsprechend der „extrem-demokratischen“ Gesinnung der Revolutionärin.

[Update 29 September 2014]   The umbrella army invades Hong Kong.


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