Saturday, March 24, 2012

The Riemann Conspiracy

[Keywords:  Landcastle;  ptarmigan; tam o’ shanter; Tychonoff; Riemann-Verschwörung; la conspiration Riemann.
Declassify on:  November 22, 2063 ]
You have no doubt heard of the following astonishing story, since it is all that anyone is talking about:

 How One Response to a Reddit Query Became a Big-Budget Flick

“…in response to The_Quiet_Earth’s question about time-traveling marines, Erwin started typing. He posted his answer in a series of comments in the thread. Within an hour, he was an online celebrity. Within three hours, a film producer had reached out to him. Within two weeks, he was offered a deal to write a movie based on his Reddit comments. Within two months, he had taken a leave from his job to become a full-time Hollywood screenwriter.”

Now: How many of you actually believe that cock-and-bull story about a mild-mannered retiring Iowan (family man:  one wife, one child, one dog) trolling up some Comments about a lame-brain What-if movie idea (marines travel back in time to battle the Romans, for reasons unexplained), and -- every poster’s Onan-fantasy -- almost immediately gets a breathless call from Hollywood.  Anyone?  Raise your hands so we can laugh at you.

Let us calmly present the facts.

(1) The simplest scenario is that a Hollywood studio launched the Reddit “question” in the first place, and one of its own screenwriter-apprentices posted the Comments in reply.  The proposed movie was already in the works and is soon to be released -- after all, this mini-flap of publicity will die down in a matter of days; it would be absurd to bet tens of millions on some random stupid premise that springs up on the Web like a dandelion, then dies.   Indeed, the premise of the movie sounds as lame-brained as that Cowboys-and-Aliens mess, which flopped, despite a stellar cast.   Some studio found itself with a stinker on its hands, and, chastened by the recent big-budget “John Carter” fiasco, decided to cut its losses.   That Reddit spoof, which cost it nothing, represents the entire publicity budget for this foredoomed movie.

(2)  But to those of us who are old hands at the game… and who perhaps have some inside knowledge… scenario (1) is just a little too pat.  It makes perfect sense (much more than the Wired story does), but… it’s just what they want you to think.
No, the real explanation probably lies along somewhat the following lines.  [Those of you not cleared for PROJ URYSOHN  stop reading now.]


The battle-plan in question is an actual DARPA project, still in the planning stage, and cleared recruits are needed.  (The recruitment come-on lies not so much in the bland and uninteresting plaintext of the Comments themselves, as in the doubly-encrypted messages for which the gematria numerical equivalent of the Comments text  represents the hash-code for the decryption key.)  The basic idea presumably is that, by sending a Seals strike-force (called “Marines” for public consumption) backwards in time, not to the Roman empire dummy, but earlier, to the Persian empire, where the oil is, duh.   At which point --  N-No!  Mr BigYou here?!?  … I-- I wasn’t going to spill anything, I, I swear it -- No!  No not that!!  Aieeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!

Für psychologisch tiefgreifende Krimis,
in pikanter amerikanischer Mundart,
und christlich gesinnt,
klicken Sie bitte hier:

[Anonymous update, March 25]  Please do not click on the following link, as it contains misinformation:


~ ~ Посмертный Одобрение

"Если бы я был жив сегодня, и в настроении для тайны,

это то, что я хотел бы читать: "

Я не делаю случае развода

Мерфи на горе.

Иосиф Сталин, и я одобрил это сообщение.)

~ ~


  1. Why the cover-up, Dr J? You know perfectly well that DARPA is not the entity behind PROJ URYSOHN.
    And as for that bit at the end where you conveniently fake your own disappearance… that wouldn’t fool a child.

  2. i disgreea with u im a child and it foled me compleetly

  3. Georgette SpelvinMarch 24, 2012 at 2:59 PM

    Umm… Don’t you think this discussion should be taking place in closed session?
    FYGI -- I am no longer married to “George” Spelvin (the forename is a pseudonym), nor do I return his calls.

  4. Quick question, Jason: the headline which i am sure you did not write, says ''How One Response to a Reddit Query Became a Big-Budget Flick''...BUT Jason, there is NO movie, it has not even been made or even greenligthed, it's just a script deal....and as you know 90 percent of all screenplays commisions for big bucks NEVER get made into this is a NON story or the headline is way off base. Can you explain the disconnect?

  5. Why, nothing could be easier, Dan. It plays the same role as the State Lottery, but for a more educated segment of the public than those who part with a portion of their meagre paycheck each week in that doomed quest. Namely, it provides crucial false hopes for the aimless, unchurched, underpaid, or unemployed. Don’t organize -- just sit in your basement and peck away at the computer, dollar signs in your eyes.

  6. Name Withheld by RequestMarch 25, 2012 at 6:24 AM

    This is preposterous. Does anyone truly believe that Mr. Big would come in person to handle this task? He’d send Anton.
    TWhIMC: bearably -- isotope -- connivance -- Pennsylvania.

  7. Has anybody seen my kitty?

  8. Nice try, Doc. As for your scenario (2) -- that’s just what they *want* you to think.
    Surely you are aware that OBJ URYSOHN is nothing but a cover-story for… TYCHONOFF … ?

  9. Danger's my stock in trade. If the job's too tough for you to handle, you've got a job for me. This Riemann business sounds right up my alley. Gimme a call.
    -- George Valentine.

  10. With regret we announce the death of Mr Valentine.
    Send bagels in lieu of flowers.

  11. This whole thing is just a ruse.
    For the real deal, click here: