Sunday, November 20, 2011

Why are these Dwarves so Stunted?

Watching the Max-und-Moritz-style shenanigans of the Republican Presidential hopefuls or rather hopelesses, after the pained laughter has died down, you are left with this thought:  How did things ever get this bad?  Barry Goldwater by comparison was the bronze statue of a statesman. 

Two theories present themselves.

(Hypothesis 1)  Contrary to what you constantly read, it may be that the smart money long ago figured the incumbent for a shoe-in.   Those who, for form’s sake, toss their bonnets into the ring, are sacrificial lambs or rather goats or rather lobsters -- sacrificial lobsters.  Accordingly, the exercise attracts only those with no real political future and who don’t mind being losers, since in the meantime they get face-time, campaign perks, and (probably the Secret Sauce for this whole affair) book deals.

(Hypothesis 2)  Much more disturbingly, it is possible that the Republican Party has itself become so corrupted, so degraded, that this is actually the best it can do.  See what it has fielded:  a parasitical speculator, a hypocritical adulterer, a clueless pizza-delivery man, a swollen phallus, a hysteric … and those are just the front-runners.  Beholding the Seven Dwarves puts you in mind of the Seven Deadly Sins:  it is as though each candidate has been selected (perhaps in the interests of Diversity) to illustrate a separate and distinct vice or disease:   Avaritia (Romney), Iracundia (Perry), Gula (Cain -- granted, he’s more a gluttony-enabler than a glutton himself, just workin’ the metaphor here) , Luxuria ('lechery' -- His Newtitude), ...

The spectacle has ceased to be amusing. They should all bow out.  Perhaps Pigasus could be lured out of retirement and persuaded to run.

[Udate, 26 Nov 2011] Another entertaining op-ed on the subject, by Alexandra Petri, in the print edition of the Washington Post.  Good luck finding it on their Website, though.

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