Monday, August 20, 2012

Romney, Ryan to merge

Seldom if ever has the choice of a vice-presidential candidate had such an immediate ideological effect (as opposed to a MILF effect) as that of Paul “the Rogue” Ryan.  True, Teddy Roosevelt was a much liver wire than his nominal boss McKinley; still, TR managed to keep a low profile during the campaign.  Ryan is different, and a welcome change (if that’s what you’re into) from his stiff and ineloquent senior running-mate.

Accordingly, the campaign has decided (and once again, the World of Dr Justice has managed to scoop the MSM on a major development) to merge the two candidates into a single entity:  the RonPaul Romneyryanosaur (pronounced rom-nee-rye-AN-oh-soar);  Willard obligingly changed his given-name (which he has always hated, obviously) to “Ron” to oblige.  This move has been widely anticipated, since the two candidates are in any case  physically indistinguishable (at least as regards their shirts).


So, what shall be the DOE of this new centaur, this hippogriff?   Simple:  The top half of the composite creature will handle the Presidency; the bottom half, the Vice-Presidency.   Unfortunately this does leave their anticipated (top-half) Presidential behavior  a bit of a mystery, since up till now, both candidates have been talking out of their assholes.

[Update 2 IX 2012]

Rosie Ruiz Republicans
Remember Rosie Ruiz? In 1980 she was the first woman to cross the finish line at the Boston Marathon — except it turned out that she hadn’t actually run most of the race, that she sneaked onto the course around a mile from the end. Ever since, she has symbolized a particular kind of fraud, in which people claim credit for achieving things they have not, in fact, achieved.
And these days Paul Ryan is the Rosie Ruiz of American politics.
This would have been an apt comparison even before the curious story of Mr. Ryan’s own marathon came to light. Still, that’s quite a story, so let’s talk about it first.
It started when Hugh Hewitt, a right-wing talk-radio host, interviewed Mr. Ryan. In that interview, the vice-presidential candidate boasted about his fitness, declaring that he had once run a marathon in less than three hours.
This claim piqued the interest of Runner’s World magazine, which noted that marathon times are recorded — and that it was unable to find any evidence of Mr. Ryan’s accomplishment. It eventually transpired that Mr. Ryan had indeed once run a marathon, but that his time was actually more than four hours.
In a statement issued by a spokesman, Mr. Ryan tried to laugh the whole thing off as a simple error. But serious runners find that implausible: the difference between sub-three and over-four is the difference between extraordinary and perfectly ordinary, and it’s not something a runner could get wrong, unless he’s a fabulist who imagines his own reality. And does suggesting that Mr. Ryan is delusional rather than dishonest actually make the situation any better?


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