Saturday, August 25, 2012

Apple vs. Samsung

[Updated en bas de la page]

In a stunning development, a Silicon Valley jury consisting of a crack team of the world's leading experts in software engineering  \  a conclave of experts in business law    a random collection of housewives, laid-off French-fry salesmen, and people with Apple stock options, reached a Solomonic decision:   You Korean guys pay our California guys a biyyyun dollars.  (You can just picture the scene in the jury room, laughing and whooping it up:  a biyyyyyyun $$$ ! ! !.)   Additionally, since the victims \ defendents bad guys  were found to have oddly shaped eyes, the American judge has the option of tripling the damages at a stroke of the pen.  (BwwwwwAHH-ha-hahhhhh!  Take that, little yellow people!)

The Majesty of the Law.  (Foreground:  Samsung begs forgiveness for its evil deeds.)

From the standpoint of international diplomacy and legal theory, the judgment is problematic, since no doubt a North Korean jury would find that both Apple and Samsung had stolen all their ideas from beloved people’s leader Kim Il Sung, and would award South Korea to North Korea in damages, along with a lien on California.    But we’re too busy to worry about all that.  Time to get in on the action.

In return for a slice of any additional damages, the World of Dr Justice sent its renowned Research Tigers into the fray.  And what they discovered is astonishing.  Samsung’s infringement goes wa-ay beyond rounding the corners off Apple’s patented Rectangles ® [©Steve Jobs, all rights rigorously reserved].  No-o, it goes deep into the core.  (“Core” -- get it?  That’s patented too.)   For:  As our team was able to learn, all of Apple’s software, even though on your screen it looks like goofy little animals and whatever, at bottom is nothing but what top experts call “binary” -- little zeros ® and ones ®.   Shockingly, Samsung has copied Apple in using binary -- and brazenly selected the same little digits,  zeros and ones!

We have turned our findings over to our lawyers, who will negotiate our cut with the court.   Meanwhile, ciao, gotta run -- going out to see a fellow about a yacht.

~   ~   ~

'K gang, that's my Apple rant.  Yawanna FF rant?  This one's free:

Also, piece about a tech-world Entity  so powerful, we dare not speak its name:
(Nice Entity; down boy…)

-- Flash update !  Implications for Armageddon !!

[Update 7 IX 2012]  The Apple jurors had such fun playing Who Wants 2 B a Billionaire  that they continue to come together for weekly parties, with lots of games and dress-up.

            “I get to play the Emperor,
             and wear a mighty crown.”

[Update 13 Dec 2012]  The latest twist in this serpentine tale:,0,4020999.story
A Delaware court ruled Thursday that Apple's iPhone infringes three patents held by Sony and Nokia, according to a report from Bloomberg.
The case was brought by MobileMedia, a holding company owned by Sony, MPEG-LA and Nokia that controls those companies' patents. MobileMedia is charged with enforcing about 300 patents, but because it doesn't make any products, it can't be countersued. Neat, huh?
Lest you think that tactic is a bit dodgy, it should be noted that Apple has its own patent holding company: the Rockstar Consortium. Rockstar was created after Apple joined with Microsoft and Rimm, among others, to acquire 4,000 patents from Nortel.

[Update 1 March 2013]
A federal judge on Friday erased nearly half of the $1 billion in damages that a jury decided that Samsung Electronics should pay Apple in a high-profile trial over the smartphone and tablet computer patents. U.S. District Court Judge Lucy Koh lowered the damages awarded to Apple Inc. by $450.5 million, saying jurors had not properly followed her instruction in calculating some of the damages.


1 comment:

  1. "Additionally, since the victims defendents bad guys were found to have oddly shaped eyes, the American judge has the option of tripling the damages at a stroke of the pen. (BwwwwwAHH-ha-hahhhhh! Take that, little yellow people!)"

    Yes, I'm sure that is exactly the thought going through the mind of Korean-American Judge Koh as she looks at Samsung through her oddly-shaped eyes.