Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Romney’s remarks, elegantized

The Republican Presidential candidate, Mr. Thurston “Mitt” Howell-Romney, has conceded, under pressure, that his widely-circulated remarks dismissing the bulk of the electorate as teeming welchers and mooching scum, were “not elegantly expressed”.   They were, after all, addressed to a conclave of wealthy, highly tax-subsidized bankers and buyout artists and oilmen and real-estate developers and suchlike social parasites, in the notorious moocher state of Florida, and not intended for the highly educated (or, in Ryan’s or Santorum’s terms, overeducated) English majors with an ear for the elegant, most of whom are Democrats.

Accordingly, the candidate has been feverishly working on a more elegant version of his social philosophy, pouring out his innermost thoughts upon an Etch-a-Sketch ® balanced precariously on his bespoke-tailoring-clad knees, in the style known as “blank verse” which he remembers from English class back in prep school.
And once again, The World of Dr Justice ® scores a stunning media scoop.  One of our operatives who has inconspicuously infiltrated the campaign -- his cover being that he is a mere gofer and dogsbody, thus invisible to the candidate and his entourage -- was able to read the lines over the poet’s shoulder;  we print them here, as a WDJ exclusive.

Fie!  varlet -- lowly, base-born bloke.
Bring me quick my Cherry Coke ®
I’ll toss it back -- for thirst imposes --
then fling the can  in those prize roses.

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~ Commercial break ~
Relief for beleaguered Nook lovers!
We now return you to your regularly scheduled essay.

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Note to the metrically challenged:
That Registered-Trademark symbol at the end of the second line  is not intended to be pronounced, as it would be extrametrical, and  moreover  spoil the rhyme.  We print it purely to safeguard the legal and commercial rights of corporations -- who, after all, are people too.

~  Posthumous Endorsement ~
"If I were alive today, and in the mood for a mystery,
this is what I'd be reading: "
(I am Alexander Hamilton, and I approved this message.)
~         ~

For background on the Coke-can incident, click here:

For further poetical treasures, exclusive to this site, unearthed by the WDJ Elizabethan Team ©, click here:

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[Update 2 October 2012]  Among the moochers:

The headline apparently understates the case.  A fairish number of Americans are “millionaires” (a term deflated by inflation) in the sense that their total family assets reach that amount.   But those on this dole apparently include a much more select bunch: “Oct. 2 (Bloomberg) -- Almost 2,400 people who received unemployment insurance in 2009 lived in households with annual incomes of $1 million or more, according to the Congressional Research Service.”  That is quite a different matter.  And bad cess to the WaPo headline-writer who cannot read as far as the first line of the article.



  1. Nothing like the refreshing brevity of a wordsmith (said brevity, of course, being the hallmark of true wordsmiths) to brighten one's day!

  2. Yes -- Who knew that His Mittship was such a bard!