Happy Sacagawea Day !!

Well, the endless round of partying this three-day weekend, celebrating that holiday of holidays, is drawing to a close.   What that holiday might be (and which is now widely ignored outside of the Federal government), the FCC has informed us, we are not allowed to name (its eponym having fallen out of political correctitude), upon pain of losing our coveted Official Junior Blogger’s License, of which there are a scant one billion in existence.  However, previous posts are grandfathered-in, so we are allowed to quote one.

Here you go.

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THOUGHTS FOR COLUMBUS DAY

Scene: The Earth.  Time: The last glaciation.

It was cold. -- How cold?

Cold enough for the seas to descend, or to freeze to solidity; so that feet might pass the Bering Strait, leaving the tired old world  for the undiscovered new.

And such was the route (so historians tell it) by which the New World was first peopled. 

And yet these scholars neglect one simple fact:  It was so d*mned cold, so effing cold, that, any normal person, it’d freeze his f***ing b*lls off.

Which leads, by simple syllogism, to the novel yet suddenly irrefragable fact:  Who passed the Strait on that fateful day, were no men as we now know them, but such Beings as scoff, as laugh at ice -- their laughter bell-like in the frigid air.  And so we are forced to this startling, yet eminently logical conclusion: (I anticipate a Nobel, or at least a MacArthur, for noticing this): Native Americans are the lineal descendents of penguins.

            The contentious might object, that the migration route of the Amerindians went via the northern polar regions, whereas the penguins of today inhabit Antarctica, somewhat to the south. The objection may, however, be overcome, via – mm – symmetry considerations.

            To be sure, a people which could eventually settle in MesoAmerica and the Caribbean  must have lost, over time, their original solid penguinity, much as salamanders, long confined to subterranean caves, in time may lose their eyes; thus leading to the present-day American anthropoid fauna's sadly decayed state.  And this, no doubt, by the same Mendelian-chromosomal processes which originally led to their distant ancestors, beginning from humble vertebrate beginnings, to attain that exalted, richly feathered, impeccably streamlined  pinguinal state. (I invite the lab lackeys to iron out the details.)

Q.E.D.

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For a glimpse of those prehistoric penguins, click here:

http://worldofdrjustice.blogspot.com/2012/02/when-penguins-ruled-earth.html
For more rollicking funstuff from old Dr J, here:
http://www.linguasacrapublishing.com/justice.html