Thursday, December 19, 2013

No Comment

Recently (we shall not say when or where exactly) a certain individual was put under severe -- indeed crippling -- career sanctions, in Venue X,
not for anything he (or she) said or did in Venue X,
but for something (s)he opined elsewhere.
In light of all which -- We have no comment;  and shall have none, going forward.  About that, or about anything else.

And thus the list of taboos, for which the First Amendment is suspended, grows by one.
Note:  It is strictly forbidden even to reveal which items are on that list.
Note further:   That fact that anything at all is taboo, is itself taboo.

Similar taboos occur in Western Europe:  although there, the list is different.
Since it is impossible for anyone to learn directly  what is on each of those lists (each individual item must be inferred from occasional news stories containing surprisingly virulent denunciations of someone who transgressed such a taboo, such as may occur when an item is relatively new to the list;  but these will be lacking for long-term item, for which no-one has ever dared say anything for years and years), the foreign traveler is under peril of his livelihood, and even (in Europe, as regards [redacted]) his liberty (you can literally be imprisoned there for expressing certain purely historiographic opinions, even in the most detached fashion), should he/she/it ever (which G*d forbid) give utterance to what, unbeknownst to him/her/it/self, it is forbidden to speak.
The latest State Department advice to Americans traveling abroad is:  Never -  Say - Anything.
Best advice to foreigners considering travel to the U.S. :   Go somewhere else instead.

Additionally, the Justice Department has ruled that foreign taboos have jurisdiction in the U.S. as well, and that anyone who knowingly or unknowingly violates one of them  may be subject to penalties.  Best advice:  Nobody ever say anything to anyone about anything at all.   If anyone were to speak to you, pretend to be deaf    hearing-impaired    differently auditorializable.

“Wovon man nicht sprechen kann,
darüber muß man schweigen.”


As for ourself, the roster of matters we dare even allude to, is shrinking.

The following topics are apparently still open to opinion;  and so, for the time being, we hereby renounce anything we have ever said about anything (in fact, we never did say anything, ever, about anything -- anything you might ever have read here, was posted by some mischief-maker who hacked into the system), and instead refer you to the following, still allowable topics -- although, as indicated, we have never actually said anything to anyone about these things, either, and are ready to renounce and denounce anything there stated should any item (say, hamsters) somehow fall under some new taboo:

=> bunnies  [not, obviously, of the Pl&yb*y variety]
=> hamsters [with no offense intended towards any other species of rodent or Creatures With Rodenticity who might feel left out]
=>  penguins  [This one is dicey, owing to the black/white angle; but for the nonce, the subject is apparently still permissible.  In future, however, we shall be careful to post nothing but photos of pink-and-blue penguins, or purple-and-orange penguins, and so on through all the wonderful colors of the all-powerful Rainbow.]

A totally typical penguin in its natural habitat

Really!  Honest Injun Native-American!  Lots of penguins look like this !!

[Update 11 - 11 - 2014:   Our stereotypical image above was in no manner of means intended to offend or demean or denigrate any spheniscids of an alternative coloration.  Read all about it here:

(We considered including elephants in this list, but finally concluded that these are too controversial, what with the ivory and all, and the Third World connections.  We shall endeavor to locate these posts and delete them as soon as time permits.)

Q:  What do you say to whites who might object that, to require celebration of “the Rainbow” and only the Rainbow, you are discriminating against whites, since white is not a color of the rainbow?

A:  Hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha.
Tell those crackers they can shove it.


  Big Sibling is watching you… and listening to you … and recording everything you say, or think, or dream

[Update 20 Dec 2013]  Our attorneys have advised us that our series of posts in praise of hamsters  could be regarded as discriminatory against the unfurry  furless   differently dermatologicalized.   Until the matter has been resolved in the courts, pending a decision as to whether any reference whatever to the creatures must be deleted,  posts will be permitted to remain  provided certain offensive language is replaced by something acceptable to the most thin-skinned  dermatologically minimized perennially aggrieved  understandably aggreviated pressure-group  grass-roots organization.

Approved samples:

Squee!  Hamsters are adorable. =>   Hamsters exist.
Hamsters are soo-oo-oo cute !  =>  Hamsters are not necessarily uncute.
I just lo-o-o-ove those little furballs! =>  We celebrate hamsters, equally along with such other fine species as warthogs, dung-beetles, gonococci, body lice, etc.

[Update 21 December 2013]  Legal counsel has reviewed the following post, and approved it for limited general consumption:

Viewing of this material is restricted to those who are not offended by bunnies.

[Update 22 December 2013]
For a series of hard-hitting, hi-impact essays on the burning topics of own time,
yet written within the new guidelines of nooffensetoanyone,
try these on for size!

For further recently or unexpectedly taboo’d topics:

[Update 15 March 2014]  This morning’s Washington Post informs us of the following surprising fact:

Irish jokes still fair game
Politicians typically stay away from ethnic jokes, except if it’s Irish

The post goes on to illustrate with a video of politicians telling some.   That video won’t play on my machine, owing to various anti-malware protections;  and so to make up for it, we offer our own “edgy”, “taboo-testing”, but still (apparently) allowable joke:

An Irishman, a person of unrecorded nationality, and an individual from a nation we dare not name, walk into a bar  diner  organic restaurant

[For more on joke-taboos -- this time in France, try: ]

[Update 20 June 2014]  Weiteres zum Thema:

[Update 10 Nov 2015]  Yet another reason, never to say anything about anything:

 [Update 19 Dec 2015]  Another topic that is highly charged, and festooned with taboos, in a certain country, but which can be rationally discussed here (except in certain Safe Spaces such as campuses):

A well-balanced, un-nervous article.

1 comment:

  1. Outraged in SwarthmoreDecember 22, 2013 at 9:25 AM

    I find your coded references to "bunnies" highly offensive!