Thursday, September 4, 2014

Amazon, Boko Haram ink pact

In a move that pleased the market,  Jeff Bezos, the Imam of Amazon, shook hands with Abubakar Shekau, President and CEO of Jama'atu Ahlis Sunna Lidda'Awati Wal-Jihad (ticker symbol:  Boko Haram), in a deal to merge their operations.

“It’s a natural fit,” observed one Wall Street analyst, who requested anonymity since he has already cut a sweet deal on tomorrow’s joint IPO  owing to insider access.  “It will take the fabled marketing smarts of Boko, as evidenced by the celebrated Schoolgirl Caper which captivated world attention, not to mention their hilarious, crowd-pleasing recent video,  in which Shekau himself did stand-up,  and will blend that with Amazon’s reputation for absolute savagery in the ruthless pursuit of business dominance in all regions of the globe and all areas of commerce whatsover, ripping the innards out of any publisher or bookseller who dares oppose them, and scattering the entrails by the side of the road.  Plus there’s the reported Amazon Fleet of Drones."

With this move, say the experts, the new entity (which will be docketed on the NY Stock Exchange as Boko Book  © ) is well positioned to challenge the feared behemoth Google  in the struggle for total World Domination.

The supreme leaders of Amazon and Boko 
unite to divide up the spoils.

[Update 6 September 2014]   Evidently blindsided by Boko-Book’s bold move,  Google has hastily joined forces with the ISIL.
Once again, the synergies are similar.   From its origin as a rag-tag band of a few dozen ill-favoured and defeated Iraqis, the ISIL has used unparalleled powers of media-savvy self-promotion to catapult itself to the rank of a world-historical “Caliphate” ™.  For its part, Google is known as the merciless take-no-prisoners global juggernaut second to none.  
The ticker symbol of the new entity is ISIU (Imperial State of the Intergalactic Universe).  Shares were up moderately in early trading.

 "Ordering a child-bride online?  Free shipping with ISIL Prime !"


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