The mood was festive in Execution Square.
“On behalf of the free and independent peoples of independently free Azawad,” proclaimed the newly independent emirate’s Minister of Tourism, Dr. Abu-al-J, “we welcome the brothers and fighters from our cousinly sister organization, Boko Haram!”
This message was celebrated with shots into the air. Casualties were relatively minor.
Next up at the podium was free Azawad’s popular Prime Minister, `Abd-al-Filuus ibn-Iblis min-Bain son-of-the-maternal-uncle Willard "al-Mitt" Abu-Romney, who has been setting the tone for the newly desocialized economy of flower-like Azawad. “We welcome these new Nigerian investors, and look forward to doing profitable business together. Nigeria is well-known for its inventive methods of raising money.
“As a further measure of international friendship, we hereby extend an invitation to the canny businesspeople of the ‘Ndrangheta, who have been sorely misunderestimated in their native Calabria. As a venture capitalist myself, I know full well how it feels, not to be appreciated by the ingrates of your native land. So come join us in freely independent People’s Azawad, where the market is king!”
Some skepticism was expressed as to the economic viability of the fledgeling Azawadi republic, by a member of the one-person press corps who was quickly hustled away. His excellency al-Mitt ag Romney waved the question away.
“Certain ill-informed businesspersons have expressed doubts about Azawad’s viability as a hot-spot for Free Enterprise, citing the Islamic ban on interest on loans. This is a misunderstanding.
“True, we are a popular people’s Islamist emirate, and all loans are interest-free. But there still is the vigorish! And what with handling fees, taxes, payoffs, etc., the ambitious lender can expect an average ROI of around a thousand percent. Per month. You pay, or we smash your kneecaps.”
The merry metallic clang of handcuffs could be heard as the audience applauded.
Meanwhile on Wall Street, Azawadi futures rose in active trading.
[Update July 9, 2012] Joyfully, free and independent Azawad announces its blood-brother alliance with the equally free and independent Ultra-Islamic Republic of Kamistan !
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