Dr J a shoo-in for November

Two recent Supreme Court decisions, essential though little noticed in the press, have upset the apple-cart for the November 2012 Presidential election, in a way that virtually assures that Dr Justice will in fact be our next President of the United States.

First -- not so surprising, which perhaps accounts for the relative paucity of Press comment -- the Supreme Court has -- admirably, in our opinion -- finally ‘fessed up to the nefarious effect of its previous ruling in Bush v. Gore, and stipulated that, to avoid all such mishaps in future, the upcoming election shall not be bound to the whims of the Electoral College (that widely-despised leftover), but shall be decided straightforwardly -- like every other election in the land, from Senator down to dogcatcher -- by the popular vote.

So far, so ho-hum.   But in another, theoretically unrelated decision, the Supreme Court has granted the long-standing Antarctican petition, that Antarctica, while not granted status as a state, should be considered on a par with that other American protectorate, Puerto Rico.  Thus, in particular, its residents get the vote, on a par with the residents of all other States and Territories.  If this seems a surprising result, consider that it has long been the case that the vote of an Alaskan  counts just like the vote of a normal person.

Ho-hum, you say.  But here things truly get interesting.

The population of Antarctica is roughly 270 million -- consisting almost exclusively of Penguins.  And Penguins, as most of you know, are fanatically lined up behind the candidacy of Dr Justice (who, as some of you know, is himself, in fact, a penguin).  Which means that, even if not a single voter in CONUS were to cast his ballot for the eminent and admirable Doctor Justice, the numbers do not lie:  a landslide, 270 million to whatever, utterly burying whoever should be so rash as to run against him. 

Penguins  are already lining up at polling places to vote for Dr J

President Obama (who has a good head for figures) has already bowed to the inevitable, and withdrawn from the race.  Dr Justice, in turn, who has the greatest respect for our current President, has announced that Professor Obama will be his Secretary of State, prior to his appointment as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

Truly, it’s a win - win - win  all around.

[Update, May Day 2012]  For anyone stubbornly opposed to the inevitable --  your only chance  of stopping the unstoppable Justice Juggernaut  is to BUY HIS BOOKS ....  (you are getting sleeeeepeeee.... (buy his books) ...... sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ((buy his books)) ....)
and comb them, page by page, line by line, for any hint of the Politically Incorrect,
which you can feed to the media, which will inevitably froth into a frenzy,
like tyrannosaurs over mastodon meat.
Better yet -- Buy ten copies each, and share them with your friends ...