Saturday, April 7, 2012

Azawad Poised for Explosive Growth, say experts.

Over the past decade, the area of the desert now known as The People’s Republic of Free and Independent Salafofascist AZAWAD   has had a Gross Domestic Product of only ten cents (in local currency, which consists of pebbles rounded by the wind).   Which means that, in percentage terms, the newly independent nation’s economic prospects  far outstrip those of any other nation on Earth.   That is to say, if your goal is an ROI of, say, twenty million percent,  your chances here, although admittedly slender, are incalculably greater than anywhere else on earth.

It's simple, just do the math.

Azawad itself has no known natural resources, whether human or mineral.  However, certain poorly defended neighboring regions have oil and other desirables, whereas Azawad itself  basically inherited Qaddafi's arsenal (not to mention the sudden influx of seasoned fighters from AQIM), so there are excellent opportunities for private investors.  Additionally, Azawad is bracing for the inevitable tourism boom, being the world’s last remaining undiscovered secluded vacation getaway.  The key word here is “getaway”, since getting away may not be easy; contact the Ministry of Ransoms if your loved ones don’t pick up.

The Popular People’s Independent Republic of Freely Islamic AZAWAD  has appointed Dr. Justice as its first Minister of External Investment.   Dr. Justice brings to this key post a substantial portfolio of … doing stuff.

“We invite investors to flock to this new opportunity,” explains the Doctor.  “No regulations, no taxes, no paper trail, mum’s the word.   Simply send your investment dollars to me, care of this site, in small, non-consecutive, unmarked bills.  Swiss francs only, please -- no dollars or pesos.”

(This message paid for by People of America for the Peoples of Independent Azawad.)

French tourists, surrounded by an attentive staff

Exclusif pour francophones!   TOURISME FRANCO-AZAWADI
La France a été très sympa  en ce qui concerne le versement de petits sommes “bakshish” pour retrouver les touristes déviés en région sub-Saharienne.  Alors, soyez les biens-venus!  Venez rendre visite en AZAWAD,  “bijou de l’océan” (dont l’océan n’est pas aussi loin que ça).  
Malheureusement nous ne pouvons plus accepter l’Euro voué désormais à l’échec.  On préfère les francs suisses ou les lingots d’or …

[Update 26 April 2012]  What -- you imagine I jest?


[Update 29 avril 2012]   In further proof, if more is needed, of Azawad’s skyrocket-like ascension to the highest heaven in the international firmament, the former head of the International Monetary Fund (DSK, FMI) has taken refuge from his creditors (and dis-creditors) in free and independent People’s Azawad.   The disgraced or at least disembellished former prospective front-runner for the présidentielle,  al-sayyid D al-S ag-K  will pick up the portfolios of Ministre des Finances and Inspecteur des Mœurs Publiques.

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